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Archive for the ‘positive outlook’ Category

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. Why am I really overweight?

Of course, the simple answer is this: eating more calories than you burn makes you gain weight. That’s true, but it’s also not quite true at the same time. It doesn’t get to the heart of the problem.

You see, if it were as simple as eating less (or exercising more), losing weight would be a simple thing. If you’re like me and have struggled to lose weight, then you know that losing weight isn’t simple at all.

The real issue is this, why do I eat more calories than I burn?

There are a lot of answers to this one. Maybe you’re like me, and you’re a stress eater. I tend to associate food with comfort, so I eat when I’m not really hungry. Maybe you keep on the weight as a kind of barrier or shield from the world. Maybe you hate to exercise, or you have a health condition that keeps you from it.

Whatever the reasons for your weight problem, I’m convinced that as long as you see it as a simple matter of calories in and calories burned, you’re not going to be successful. People just aren’t that simple. If you’re overweight, you have a problem with your eating, and you have to examine the cause of the problem, not just try to treat the symptom.

So, here’s my challenge to you. Spend some time today thinking about how you relate to food.

• When do you overeat?
• What causes you to fall off your diet?
• How do you feel about yourself when you’re dieting? When you’re overeating?
• When did you first become overweight? What was going on in your life at the time?
• How did you relate to food when you were a child? Were you a heavy kid?

Thinking about these things may be uncomfortable, but it will give you some ideas where your food problems lie. You’re not likely to be successful simply trying to eat less, unless you understand why you tend to overeat in the first place.

Asithi left an interesting comment to my recent post, Declutter Yourself, about keeping skinny clothes.

While you may think about whether you still like them, if they’re in style, how old they are, etc. I think there’s a more important question to consider.

How do you feel every time you open the closet and see clothes that don’t fit you? 

I’m guessing that doesn’t feel great. I know when I used to keep my smaller clothes (I never really had “skinny” clothes), I felt awful each time I looked at them. My favorite pants, that no longer button. That shirt I only wore a few times. Each item reminded me how I’d failed to keep my weight in check.

Why would you keep something that doesn’t fit you? You’re getting no more use from it than if it were torn or stained and unwearable for that reason. Yes, you’re trying to lose weight, and you very well may be able to fit into it again. I’m all for being frugal, but I think you have to weigh what you gain with what this kind of behavior costs.

You save some cash by not buying new clothes. That is, if you get back into those clothes. And if you still like them. And if they’re still in style. And if… you get my point.

In the meantime, each time you open your closet you’re reminded of your weight. Does that make you feel good? Does it encourage you to lose weight? I don’t think so. I believe that in order to lose weight, you have to feel good about yourself as you are now. Holding on to too-small clothes isn’t going to help you do that.

And here’s a final rant… Let these clothes do some good. Pack them up and give them to a charity where they’ll be used and appreciated. You’re doing yourself harm by keeping them, and you’re denying those in need as well.

When you’re finished cleaning out your closet, go buy yourself something nice that FITS and makes you feel good about yourself. You’ll be one step closer to a healthy weight.

Getting to a healthy weight isn’t just about dieting and exercise. Many things in your everyday life contribute to your weight and your health. Clutter is one of them. Whether it’s the clutter in your floor, in your head, or on your hips, all have a similar source and need to be dealt with.

Physical clutter

Is your clutter a result of trying to keep too many things? Things you don’t need, use or even want any longer? Have you ever thought about why you keep so many things? Sometimes people tend to hoard items that have sentimental value. Or perhaps you grew up poor and are afraid to throw anything away. Maybe there are gifts you don’t like, but you can’t give them away because someone you care about gave it to you.

I doesn’t matter WHY you’re keeping too much stuff. The important thing is that you think about why you’re keeping it. If you’re not sure, start throwing things away and listen to the mental “chatter” that goes on as you resist getting rid of your things. As you go through this exercise, you’ll start to get a better idea of why you’re having trouble getting rid of things.

You’ll hear yourself thinking things like

• I may need it
• It’s my favorite (shirt, skirt, shoes, etc.)
• My (friend, mother, husband, etc.) gave it to me, so I want to keep it
• My (friend, mother, husband, etc.) gave it to me, and I’ll hurt their feelings if I get rid of it
• I paid too much for it to get rid of it

Mental Clutter

Once you recognize why you’re plagued with physical clutter, think about how that affects you mentally, particularly with your weight. Do you hoard because you’re afraid you’ll be without them some day? Could that be a reason you overeat?

Or maybe you keep items for sentimental reasons, or because they were gifts. Do you eat to please others (socially). Of do you eat certain foods because they bring back memories or good feelings?

Here’s a big one… Do you fear the changes that decluttering may bring? Are you afraid of what your life will be like if you lose weight?

When you resist giving away clutter, use some of these techniques.

• If you haven’t needed it in the last year, you’re not likely to. Put them in a box, date the box for three more months if you feel you have to, and then throw the whole thing away when the time comes.
• Even favorite items stop being useful eventually. Get rid of it to make room for a new favorite.
• You don’t have to keep every item a loved one gives you. Choose only items that are really meaningful. Take photos of any others if you like.
• You don’t have to tell loved ones that you’ve gotten rid of one of their gifts, just quietly do so and don’t feel guilty about it.
• How much you paid for something doesn’t matter. The money is gone regardless, and if you don’t like it and aren’t using it, it’s clutter.

I tend to keep things for sentimental reasons, and that goes hand in hand with my emotional eating. I eat to comfort myself, particularly when I’m stressed, and I keep things around me that comfort me as well, often long past their usefulness.

Look around your house and think about how much you own and whether you’re hoarding or not. As you examine why you tend to keep things, you’ll get clues as to why you tend to gain weight. Working on one will often help you with the other.

How do you get the most out of your visits to the doctor? Whether you’re sick or just getting a checkup, you’ll want to take some steps to make the most of your visit.

• Make a list of questions, issues, etc. that you’d like to talk about before you go. Sit down with your spouse or another family member and talk about any issues you might want to bring up while you’re there.
• Print out copies of notes you’ve taken about your condition or concern. If you’re referring to books or websites, take copies with you if possible.
• Don’t be shy about asking the questions. Get out your notes and go through the things you want to talk about. If you think the visit will be a long one, alert the staff when you make your appointment to allot extra time.
• Take notes during your visit. Ask your doctor to repeat things, spell them, whatever is necessary.
• Don’t let your doctor put you off. If your doctor seems as if he’s in a hurry to go or doesn’t have time, then politely ask if you should make another appointment to get your questions answered. Chances are, you won’t.
• If your doctor blows you off or acts as if you’re silly to ask these things, seriously consider getting another doctor. You have a right to understand your health and your care.
• If your doctor’s directions or advice differ from what you expected, then ask about his reasoning. You have a right to know why a course of action is being prescribed.
• Ask your doctor if there’s a website or literature you can get for more reading.
• Your visit doesn’t necessarily have to end when you walk out. If you have concerns, call and speak to a nurse or leave a question for the doctor. Don’t worry about being a pest, it’s your health.
• Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion. Often doctors working in the same practice will have varying ideas on how to proceed with a patient’s care.
• Do your own research. No, you’re not a doctor, but that doesn’t mean you can’t, or shouldn’t, understand everything about your health that you can.

In case you’re wondering, I have a reason for posting these tips. I’ll write about it in a few days, once I’ve had time to get over my frustration. If I wrote about it down, it would just be a bitch session. Let’s just say that I had a less-than-positive experience with my new doctor. I’m grateful that I’ve begun to get more assertive with my own medical care, and I’d like to help others do the same.

If you take nothing else away from this… it’s your health, your body, your future. Your doctor is just a person, capable of making mistakes, having a bad day, or simply not giving a crap. No one cares more about your health than you do, so step up and take charge of your medical care.

Emoms at Home has a great article today. She talks about struggling with depression and feeling inadequate. You’ll be surprised at what you can really do, or “you can do more than you think you can…”

Thinking about this in terms of your health and weight loss, think about what you’ve accomplished already. What changes have you made. How are you taking better care of yourself now than you were a few months ago?

I believe that the biggest hurdles we face are often our own negative thoughts. As long as you think you won’t be able to do something, you won’t. On the other hand, believing you can do something is often 90 percent of the battle. Unfortunately, we continue to tell ourselves we can’t do the things we want, and we allow other people to do the same to us.

Spend some time today reminding yourself of all the things you have done, and can do. If someone, including you, tries to say differently, don’t listen.

So, what can you do?

If you’re like me, stressful situations send you to your favorite comfort foods. In my case, stress is often the single biggest factor in causing me to blow my eating plan. You’ve probably heard all sorts of tips for avoiding stress eating, but I have a different approach I’d like to share.

Focus on eliminating the stress, not the stress eating.

I often eat to cope with stressful situations. I may be upset, worried, depressed, whatever…. So I tend to eat to make myself feel better. I could focus on not eating during those times, or doing something else instead, but in the past that hasn’t worked well for me.

If you’re a stress eater, has it worked well for you? I’m going to bet that it hasn’t. It’s hard to give up old habits. Besides stress eating is at least partially rooted in our biology anyway. (The effects of stress on body weight, Stress, Eating and the Reward System.)

I’ve come to think that fighting that response (at least for me) tends to be a bit of a lost cause. Instead, I’m trying to work on my causes of stress instead. It stands to reason that I can reduce my stress eating if I reduce my stress, right?

Here are a few things that I’ve been trying.

• I take a few minutes of quiet time to calm myself. I’m lucky at work — I have an actual office. I shut the door and take a few minutes of quiet time.  If I’m home and things are hectic, I’ve been known to shut myself in the bathroom to get that bit of quiet, personal space.
• I get up and move around. I might take a walk down the hall, head upstairs to put in a load of laundry, etc. I don’t mean run out for a two-mile walk (although that would be good too). Sometimes just getting up and moving gives me a different perspective.
• I try to recognize what’s bothering me. After I focus on what has be upset, then I remind myself that eating isn’t going to help that. Sometimes just taking a minute and allowing myself to be upset helps.
• I ask myself if I’m really hungry or just stressed. Believe it or not, it can be tough to tell sometimes. If I’m not sure, I’ll have a cup of tea or coffee and see how I feel in half an hour or so.
• If something is really bothering me, I may try to ask someone else to handle it. This is especially useful if you’re feeling overwhelmed at home; ask for a hand with some of the household chores. At work it can be tougher to ask for help, but consider it if you feel that you’re really carrying more than a fair share or if you’ve been overwhelmed by extra tasks.

What are your tips for dealing with stress? Do you find that stress impacts your eating and exercise habits?

Recently, I wrote about how we often sabotage our own efforts at weight loss. I’m sure that you also know that others do their part in sabotaging us as well.

First of all, remember that it’s rarely done on purpose or out of spite. In fact, usually the person doesn’t realize it at all, so don’t get angry. The best option is to recognize it, examine the reasons behind it, and deal with it from there.

Let’s talk about those people who make it difficult without meaning to or realizing they’re doing it. Maybe they bring donuts several times a day or show up in your office with their latest baked goodies. Instead of getting frustrated, try something like, “Everything you bring is so good, I find I can’t resist it. Since I’m trying to lose weight, would you help me by not offering? I just can’t say no to your homemade goodies!”

Others will insist that you socialize with them by eating out. If that’s the case, stick with appetizers or something light. Drink diet drinks and avoid the alcohol; it’s loaded in calories. Offer to be the designated driver.

Still others will try to convince you that you don’t need to lose weight. These may be genuine compliments or just the person’s way of being nice. Accept it as a compliment but explain that you want to do this for you.

You’ll also need to deal with others’ fears. If you lose weight, will your partner feel threatened or jealous? Will your best friend feel self-conscious? If you lose weight, others are bound to look at you differently, and that can be scary for them. If you find that your family and friends are less than supportive, recognize that it’s likely fear that’s motivating their behavior. You may have to reassure them that even though your body is changing, you won’t.

There are lots of reasons that we fail to lose weight, but I think one tends to stand out, and I bet it’s not something you’re thinking of.

Is fear of success holding you back?

Think about it for a minute. How many things do we put off until we lose weight? Maybe you’ll get a new wardrobe, job hunt, take the family on that great vacation, or finally go to a high school reunion. Whatever it is,  you’re going to do it just as soon as you get some weight off.

What if the weight is just an excuse to not do it? What if you’re scared to find a new job, or maybe you don’t feel that you’re successful enough to face your high school rivals. Isn’t it easy to avoid it by not losing weight?

If you lose weight, what will happen to your relationships? Most people might assume they’d get better, but will they? You’ll feel more attractive, right? Presumably, more people will be attracted to you. Is that what you really want? Are you avoiding weight loss to avoid some bigger relationship issues?

Whether it’s success in general or regarding something specific like weight loss, changes can be frightening. You may want to lose weight for many reasons, but I bet there are also some reasons why you don’t want to. Unless you think about, and face, those reasons, you’ll find yourself sabotaging your own efforts without realizing it.

Over at Fuzzy Notions, there’s a great article about motivation and struggling to lose weight. Wow, can I ever relate.

One thing that really speaks to me… she says that junk food in the house is like a “siren song.” Yep, I can practically hear it screaming “Eat me!”

I think a lot of dieters struggle between wanting to lose weight (and keep it off) and wanting to just be “normal” as to eating. I get so tired of watching what I eat, thinking about calories and how much exercise I’m getting (or not getting). I’d like sometimes just to eat and not have to worry about it.

But when I do that, the pounds creep back on.

I do know some things about myself that can help, if I pay attention to them.

1. If I have it around, I’ll eat it. No amount of rationalizing will cover up the fact that I will eat it! So, the key is to not have it around.
2. I’m a snacker. It’s not practical for me to plan not to eat in the afternoons/evenings. If I don’t have something to snack on, then the vending machine will start calling to me around 2 o’clock or so.
3. I’m a stress eater, and chocolate is my drug of choice. I simple feel better when I eat. For someone who doesn’t eat in response to stress, I know that sounds a little crazy, but if you drink, smoke, bite your nails, etc. when you’re stressed, it’s probably a similar response.
4. I don’t like exercise. The only exercise I’ll usually stick with is what I think of as “meaningful” exercise. So, I’ll take a walk through town, but not on the treadmill. I’ll spend an hour doing heavy housework but not fifteen minutes lifting weights.
5. And this one is probably the biggest culprit in helping me gain weight… The more I beat myself up about my weight, the more weight I gain. I think it really boils down to how I feel about myself. If I feel rotten about myself, then I tend to eat more. Paradoxical, I know, but true.

If you’re reading this blog, then you can probably relate on some level to what I’m talking about. I believe that talking about your weight loss issues can help to overcome them. I certainly hope so!

Wow, it’s been a bad few weeks. Work has been extremely stressful, but I think things are FINALLY winding down a bit. I’ll be traveling next week for work, but I’m actually looking forward to being out of the office for a change.

Unfortunately, the long hours and stress have really taken a toll on my eating and exercise. I’ve put on about seven pounds (yikes!), so I have a bit of work to do to get myself back on track.

That’s the issue with weight loss, isn’t it? It’s all too easy to put it back on when life gets stressful. Given that I’m a stress eater, it’s doubly difficult.

I found that when this happens, it’s even more important to keep a positive attitude. I also try to stick to my eating plan as much as I can, even if I know I’m not doing as well as I should. One danger that I watch out for is simply giving up. Taking the attitude that I might as well eat anything I want because things are already going downhill is the wrong approach, but it’s all too easy to fall into that trap.

How many times have you allowed a diet slip up turn into a diet catastrophe? I’m trying to not let that happen!